Growing up, I often felt like I needed to behave a certain way to be loved and accepted. At a very young age, I learned that I wasn't good enough as I am, which manifested as low self-esteem and social anxiety for most of my life up till my 30s.

As an adult, I longed for a partner who would make me feel loved and accepted just as I am. I longed to create the kind of emotional home with my partner in a way that I never experienced with my family.

Then, I met someone who made me feel this way.

It was all well and good until...

Two years into my marriage, my partner wanted a divorce.

I was devastated.

This was when I hit emotional rock bottom.

I was forced to confront my biggest fears and insecurities.

For months, I wrestled with my grief, constantly moving between...

denial and acceptance

anger and forgiveness

moments of strength and falling apart

self-blame and blaming my partner

But at the core, I knew I didn't want to repeat the same mistakes. I wanted to learn what I could from this experience so I could grow from it. I was determined to make the most of this painful experience.

I dedicated the next few months of my life seeking answers. I poured through psychology and spiritual books, I spoke to anyone who I thought might have a point of view, and I tried different types of meditation and spiritual practices.

Through this process...

>> I started to see how my childhood influenced my perception and how I approached my relationship - what I thought was normal and acceptable was in fact hurtful and dysfunctional. I was hurting my own relationship without even knowing it.

>> I started to see how my childhood wounds resulted in me having an avoidant attachment style, which was not helpful for my relationship.

>> I started to see how my partner and I were both wounded people with unmet needs. We both just want our needs to be met. But our adaptations meant that we would ask for our needs to be met in ways that would trigger one another rather than draw each other closer.

>> I started to see how my low self-esteem would cause me to self-abandonment, people please and struggle to set boundaries, which created more resentment over time.

This was a wake-up call for me.

The more I saw my faults and how I was contributing to my relationship failures, the more I realised I needed to heal myself if I wanted to create a healthier relationship.

So I started doing the inner work to heal my trauma and heal my relationship with myself.

Since then, I've completely changed my relationship with myself.

I went from...

>> being my own worst critic to my own cheerleader.

>> constantly seeking external validation to being my best advocate

>> struggling with low self-esteem to feeling secure within myself

As I learn to meet my own needs and take responsibility for my own emotions and thoughts, I've learned to see relationships in a different light.

Rather than needing my relationship to complete and heal me, I approach my relationship from a much more secure place. I've come to understand that a healthy relationship is cultivated by individuals who are aware of their patterns, willing to take responsibility for them, and committed to personal growth.

Thus, to do your part in being a healthy partner is to become self-aware of your patterns, take responsibility for them, and do the work to heal.

...

Hitting 'rock bottom' can be a blessing in disguise. It can be an opportunity for profound growth and transformation.

This is why I'm passionate about helping women heal from their past relationships, so they can turn relationship 'failures' and emotional rock bottoms into personal triumph and empowerment.

I did it and you can do it too!